The perferct excuse - "I am a man"

Gf: Can I have a male friend hun?

Bf: No you can’t

Gf: why not, but you have female friends

Bf: yes I do because I am a man

Gf: I am out with some friends and I will be late

Bf: no you can’t be late

Gf: why not, but you are always late

Bf: yes because I am a man

What a funny conversation! I find it quite laughable that men in the 21st century still use such phrases to justify their actions. By the way, that’s a real conversation I overheard between my friend and her man. It’s so crazy how African men still think that being a man excuses them from many things. Why is it okay for a man to stay out late but not okay for a woman to? Why is it alright for a woman to be the one to make dinner and not the man?

A few months ago I had an interesting conversation with a group of friends comprising of both men and women. In the conversation, I said that a relationship between a man and a woman should be based on equality. This implies that both a woman and a man should share responsibilities including cooking and cleaning. Oh dear! Both the men and women on that table almost ate me alive. My friend said to me; “Happy, this is Africa and Nigeria for that matter so if you know you want to be happy with your husband, get rid of that mentality”. I was shocked. I thought to myself, omg! What has the world turned into just because of the roles that the society has assigned to women? My friend went as far as telling me that it was disrespectful for a woman to allow a man to cook or clean. She concluded by telling me, “If you want to remain single, keep that mentality”. She went on to advise me not to let any man know I had such an opinion.

I wish I could use words to describe the look I had on my face when I heard that. The men said I had a western mentality and not an African one (whatever that means). Isn’t it funny how African men choose only western cultures that they consider convenient to practice? On the other hand, they disregard the things that make them more human and less chauvinist. Could it be a simple case of insecurity? Could it also be that they fear that in assigning women the respect they deserve, they will lose their power over women? I asked my male friend if he had ever cooked in his life before and he told me that he cooked when he was single. He went on to tell me that he married a wife to bear him children and cater to him so why should he cook? Unfortunately, a lot of men share his mentality and women are simply tools to fulfill certain purposes.

Our ancestors had this mentality and passed it on to us so it is only fair to expect men to think this way. However, there is nothing wrong with embracing change and leaving the past where it should be – in the past. If you are a husband, think of how happy you’ll make your wife if she gets home from work and her dinner is served because you came in earlier than her and did not wait with your legs crossed in the lounge watching sports channel. Let’s switch roles for a moment and see how things turn out. If you really love your wife/partner, stop thinking of her as a tool but as a complement and in that way, you’ll stop using the “I am a man” phrase as an excuse for everything because no one is disputing the fact that you are a man.

From me to you: don’t forget you have the power over everything including chauvinism. Remain happy and spread happiness around. Xoxo

Photo credit: hellobeautiful.com