There was a spark in his eyes when he saw me; a longing for
what is not his. He hugged me like his life depended on that hug while I wondered
with excitement why he did that. The next thing we knew our lips were moving. Your hands stroking my hair, down to the back of my neck and I wanted
it to get lower to that place I like because the feeling of those hands were
fresh in my memory even after all these years. Oh wow! It was only a dream but
then it felt so real. I knew it could not be real because you left five years
ago.
I have been unable to close the gap Jay left in my life even
after five years. I can’t stop imagining if things would be different had you
not boarded that flight to Scotland on that fateful day. Would I still
feel this empty? I hate myself every day for watching you leave but I console myself by thinking it was for the best. Ours was not
just superficial feelings; it was the bond we shared which was as solid as a rock. That feeling of safety
that I felt each time we were together and when we were apart. It was the
friendship. We would sit and stare at each other for hours and that was enough
for us. I can’t seem to forget how important in your life you made me feel. The
long hours we talked on the phone making our life decisions together are moments
that has refused to leave my memory.
Today I sit and wonder how different my life has been without
you. Yes, I have attempted to move on but when I look back at my life, I know I
haven’t moved on at all. I met Nkem, a great guy who has tried his best to show
me love but I haven’t been happy with him. My unhappiness has led to us having
a relationship filled with tension because I can’t stop imagining you in him. I
found myself breaking down in tears just writing this and that says a lot. No, I
don’t want the past back. I just want to close this chapter of my life and move
on. I want to stop seeing you in every other guy. What we had was beautiful and
was more than romantic love and I hope every day that I find something close to
that but I don’t long to have it back.
Oops that was an emotional thing to write guys! Happy people,
do you identify with the speaker? How did you move on? Please share your thoughts
on how you have managed to let go of the past and move on after losing
something so beautiful. Remain happy and spread happiness around. Xoxo
2 comments:
This person needs to think back n hard. We always remember our 'great' love with nostalgia but truth is, it is usually not as great as we remember. What happens is, the mind blanks all the negatives of the person. We suddenly develop amnesia to all the fights n arguments and they appear almost perfect. It is the same way some songs hold special meaning becos of where we were or who we were with. U later hear the song n start crying. This person needs to move on. Even if jay says he thinks of you every min, it is all bs. He will have another woman in his bed tonight. 5 years is a long time to day dream. Wake up. You will miss a lot of great men. Some will be better than jay but u can't see it cos u are fixated- newyorker
I agree with you Newyorker. If it was so beautiful as you say why didn't it last? Beautiful things are meant to last and not torment our memories. Get over it gal and be happy, Noone can make you happy but yourself so start from there.
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