A friend once said to me, "I see you really don't
forgive, neh?" in the middle of a conversation about falsity / cheating in
relationships. At impulse, I said yes. Then I thought about it and rephrased it
in a more appropriate way, "no it’s not that I don't forgive, I just don't
know how to forgive cheating". I really don't know if anyone does. No, I
don't mean staying in the relationship. Rather, I mean staying and keeping
things the way they used to be prior to the sick event. I would really like to
know from anyone who has done this how they do it. How do you carry on with all
that information and betrayal? Some people say you just have to forgive and
move on. But how doable is this? I concluded by telling my friend that I
probably haven't met anyone who's able to make me forgive (even that I'm not
sure) or maybe a better way of putting it would be someone who can help me deal
with the memory.
You see, a lot of people who cheat expect "I'm
sorry" to wipe the slate clean. They expect things to normalise after that
pathetic phrase is thrown in your face. They never really think of how much
effect their actions had on you and the pain you have to go through. So they don't
make any effort to make it right by you. One once threw "I did something
wrong and I acknowledged that but am I supposed to beg you forever?" only
after a few days after the incident. What arrogance! Well helloooo? Am I
missing something here? This is a clear case of a perpetrator trying to assume
d role of a victim. Why in the world should you prescribe to me how I choose to
deal with my pain? If I want you to beg your entire life, it's solely my
decision and I think I am allowed to.
I should probably end off now before I lose my mind. My final
words to people trying to work it out after such a painful experience (which no
one should be subjected) is, talking about how things should go back to the way
they used to be is a waste of time because you may never get there. How about
you focus on the present and make a conscious effort to make it beautiful (if
you have the strength and time to stay). And maybe, just maybe the beauty of
the present would make the past a hidden memory and the future even better.
Forgetting the past may never happen but a beautiful present can help with
dealing with the painful past. Oh! Now that I am thinking about it, maybe it's
not that I am unable to forgive cheating, it's that I haven't met anyone humble
and remorseful enough to give me a beautiful present that helps the past fade
away.
Anyway, that's enough sermon for one day abeg. And please if
you don’t wanna forgive cheating, you have every right to your sanity and no
one should hate you for that. After all, it was also solely their decision to
be unfaithful. Stay happy beautiful people! Xoxo.
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