We all need to feel loved and to love someone. Read and be inspired to do it right.

“It’s your loss not mine”

Sometime ago I met a guy who I thought was really wonderful and nice. I loved the way he made me feel, the way he made me laugh each time we were together. In that moment I imagined him as my life partner, I dreamt of growing old with him and having his babies. I really thought that we would last forever. I don’t know why I entertained all those thoughts because he used every opportunity that he had to tell me that those weren’t his dreams and he was as blunt as possible. I guess it is one of those things that we do when we are living in the moment, we often fail to recognise the signs even though they are clear enough and we do this because we just want what we want.

Later on, I couldn’t forgive myself for not listening to him and taking precautions when I should have. Maybe if I did that, then I wouldn’t have been as crushed and heartbroken as I was when reality finally set in. The relationship finally ran its course and he moved on without even letting me know about it. I was in the dark all the while believing that I had a relationship when it ended long time ago without notice. Suddenly, there were pictures on social network and I still couldn’t believe it. It took me such a long time to admit that it was finally over. Today I wonder why I did that and I ask myself could it be that I was just too naïve and maybe crazy to admit that he gave up on us? Why did I constantly believe that it wasn’t real? That he really didn’t move on? That maybe because I was living in denial.

I couldn’t stop loving him even after it was obvious that we had nothing left. I was in another relationship, but could not stop thinking about him and calling him at every opportunity that I found. Maybe it was a feeling of nostalgia or plain stupidity but I couldn’t stop looking forward to the day we will meet again. I often told myself I needed to see him again because I need answers to many questions. I just wanted to look into his eyes and ask him if he really loved me and why he did what he did.

Finally, I had the opportunity to get my answers and to see him again but my reality set in at this moment. I stood before him and the one thing I said to myself was “really”? There was no expression of compassion or what so ever, we didn’t even hug each other or kiss. And that was because I suddenly couldn’t understand what I was longing for all these years. I wasn’t excited to see him or angry at him, I couldn’t do all the things I told myself that I needed to do, I wasn’t even interested in the answers to the questions anymore. I suddenly realised that I was wasting my time thinking about him all those years and I also knew that I was over him. But why it took me so long to realise that, I couldn’t comprehend.

I know this happens to the best of us and we feel weak and out of control. It’s ok to feel like that sometimes because we are humans but staying that way is the problem. I understand that it is never easy to deal with our emotions after we lose a loved one but it helps if we try to get some sort of closure. I remember simply telling my ex “you know I was looking forward to this day because I just wanted to ask you a few questions, but now that you are here, for some reason, I am no longer interested in getting those answers”. Those words alone made me feel so strong and in control. I felt confident in myself, my ability to get through that phase and I had this sudden inner peace. It’s not always easy to handle those emotions but you need to find the inner strength in you and handle them in order to enjoy a peaceful life. Tell yourself that it is his / her loss and not yours because somewhere out there something and someone better is waiting.

All the best with that and stay happy. xoxo...