A scorned woman on a mission for revenge or a victim?

A few hours ago I stumbled on a story online about a so called celebrity who allegedly raped a lady and here are some of the comments I found on the post: “She probably asked for it by putting herself in a vulnerable position”, “She was probably drunk when it happened and now she is claiming it was rape”. “I do not believe for one second he raped her! She is a scorned woman trying to get revenge”. Now, these comments were more disturbing to me than the rape accusation.

It was sickening to me that most people still victimise the victim and believe that it’s okay to have a woman without her consent. I am not interested in this accusation being false or true. I am only concerned about how some people still think and speak about this issue of rape. Unfortunately, this is the kind of society that I belong to as a Nigerian. A society where most men still believe that a ‘NO’ means ‘maybe’ or even ‘yes’. Most men and unfortunately women in Nigeria don’t even know what rape is. To them when they hear rape, the only image they have is that of you being tied down by a bunch of strangers while they take their turns on you. It has to be that violent to qualify as rape.

When you describe that to them you get a surfaced sympathy and then questions such as, “what were you wearing?” “What time was it?” “Why were you alone?” and so on. Even worse, when you say a husband or friend took advantage of you, you get a scolding! They refuse to acknowledge that a husband or friend can rape you. They scold you for depriving your partner of his rights and make sure to let you know you deserved it. A friend once trivialised my rape story just because he claimed it didn’t match the picture of rape he knew, that is, more than two strangers taking turns on me. And that hurt even more than the experience he made me re-live through telling him the story. But that is a story for another post. Like my dear friend taught me, I have learned to be a survivor than a victim. (Oh shoot! I’m actually speaking about this publicly for the first time and second time ever)

I will never understand this issue of rights and ownership when it comes to my body. I believe that every woman has sole ownership of her body and can say no even to her partner and the partner has no right to take advantage of her just because he can. I invite you over for dinner at my house and you walk in and I’m dressed comfortably. The atmosphere to you might mean I want some but to me it just means I wanna have some peace and quiet and be comfortable. Now you can’t exactly blame me for your interpretation of my gesture, can you? There is nothing complicated about a NO.

A lot of women in Nigeria are sexually abused every day and they suffer in silence just because the society has managed to make us believe we asked for it. I long for an era where men will take responsibility for their actions and existence. No woman deserves to be sexually assaulted. Rape is rape no matter who the perpetrator is.

Anyway, please stay happy and spread happiness around. Xoxo  


Image source: google